Notice to All Employees:

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you.

The Management

Attached: Extended Job Code List

Code number   Explanation
 ----------    -----------
5316     Meeting
5317     Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318     Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319     Waiting for Break
5320     Waiting for Lunch
5321     Waiting for End of Day
5322     Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323     Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker
             is not Present
5393     Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400     Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is not Interested
             in Learning
5401     Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402     Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481     Buying Snack
5482     Eating Snack
5500     Filling Out Timesheet
5501     Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502     Waiting for Something to Happen
5503     Scratching Yourself
5504     Sleeping
5510     Feeling Bored
5511     Feeling Horny
5600     Bitching About Lousy Job
5601     Bitching About Low Pay
5602     Bitching About Long Hours
5603     Bitching About Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)
5604     Bitching About Boss
5605     Bitching About Personal Problems
5640     Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching
5701     Not Actually Present At Job
5702     Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102     Ordering Out
6103     Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104     Taking it Easy While Digesting Food
6200     Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201     Stealing Company Goods
6202     Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company
             Goods
6203     Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal
             Calls
6204     Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal
             Calls to Fence in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6206     Gossip
6207     Planning a Social Event (e.g., vacation, wedding...)
6210     Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6221     Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222     Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223     Pretending You Like Coworker
6224     Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality
             They are Jerks
6238     Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350     Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601     Running your own Business on Company Time 
             (see code #6603)
6602     Complaining
6603     Writing a Book on Company Time
6611     Staring Into Space
6612     Staring At Computer Screen
6615     Transcendental Meditation
7281     Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400     Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401     Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402     Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403     Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404     Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405     Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406     Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419     Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425     Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931     Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000     Recreational Drug Use