Virus Alert!
If you receive an e-mail message with "End-All-Virus" in the Subject line, don't open it. If you do: End-All will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. Not only does End-All accomplish these amazing diabolical tasks, but listen to what its victims have told us that it routinely executes:
recalibrates your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty.
demagnetizes the strips on all your credit cards, screws up the tracking on your television and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
gives your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.
mixes Kool-aid into your fishtank.
leaves dirty socks on the coffee table when company comes over.
puts a dead kitten in the back pocekt of your good suit pants and hides your car keys when you are late for work.
moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
kicks your dog.
Is is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. Finally, while you are lying there on the floor beside yourself with horror:
End-All will give you Dutch Elm disease.
Will leave the toilet seat up.
And it will leave bacon cooling on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Don't say we didn't warn you.